It must be homemade?

The IKEA Shopping Experience

One of the things we realised we were missing from our fast growing list of "must have's" for our new home was a new bed, wardrobes and a vast list of lighting fixtures.  When we sold up and moved these things were left behind or simply dumped as, not needed anymore.  We have so far trawled the furniture shops of the South of England and purchased much of what we needed aprt from the lighting fixtures!  We have been to every conceivable shop that sells lamps, lampshades or any other sort of lighting and can't find a single item.  So what with a new IKEA opening in Southampton we decided to set off there for a mid week crowd free browse just to see if the elusive light fitting may be lurking there.  OK, so we had forgotten it was half term and it wasn't until we found ourselves in a 5 mile queue of cars  that we realised.  Finding a parking space was not a problem apart from it being about 2 miles from IKEA which was good for our keep fit plan if not our shoe leather.  On arrival we were confronted by the longest queue I have seen since the opening of the London Eye! it trailed, snake like from the street up and down, back and forth for ages upwards (yes upwards to the top floor) to the Main entrance whereupon any thought of shopping went out of the window as once inside the vast emporium that is IKEA there was one solid mass of people shuffling along one behind the others to simply gawp at the range of "must have" IKEA items displayed.  We were trapped in this vast throng shuffling along as everyone else and getting increasingly irritated with each other as well as the often mindless people who rammed large shopping trolleys into you at various intervals. Needless to say, we escaped this madhouse resolving only to return in school time and only when we had some specific item to purchase!  

Can it be True? 

As we made a weary way back from the throngs still milling about in IKEA I noticed a sign in the window of an Indian Take Away proclaiming "Fresh Vegetarian Food Sold here".  This got me to thinking what else could have been on offer in this establishment and how often do you see these proclamations in all sorts of eateries?  Would anyone seriously want to think that the meal they are about to eat is anything but fresh and if it's not, where has it been? How old is the produce? When was it cooked? At this point my stomach has started to twitch a bit I have to confess.

We also see signs in pubs and cafes saying "Homemade" cottage pie or lasagna...... do we want it made at home, did the cook when at home wash their hands? Where at home was it made, the kitchen?  OK, we have "freshly made" and "homemade" so how about "handmade" or "home cooked" all these little phrases can generate a multitude of fears in the average person who wishes to avoid contracting e-coli, botulism or plain old fashioned "food poisoning" 

When I had finished worrying about my next meal out I was silly enough to spot a furniture shop stating in large letters on a sign in the window  "Table and 4 Chairs" all "solid wood" !! What next, hollow wood, plastic wood .... I give up.   

We are still looking for the lights with no luck yet!

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE CHAIRMAN OF BRITISH TELECOM – SIR MICHAEL RAKE

Dear Sir Michael.

My recent experiences with British Telecom has to say the least been a very unfortunate series of events for me,  allow me to explain.

More years ago than I can remember you could only obtain a phone line from the Post Office and then subsequently, only from British Telecom. Deregulation came along, or what ever call it, saw a partial end to this in as much as you can now obtain a new line from Sky or Virgin Media. Obtaining a line from the Post Office is of course a myth these days as you have to have a BT line in the first place. Anyway, let me not bore you with these facts which you are clearly more than familiar with and I am not trying to teach my grandmother to suck eggs as they say.

My question is simple. Why is it so hard to get something like a new phone line so impossibly frustrating? Let me summarise in very broad terms why I am frustrated.

• 1995 – I move to new house and ask BT for phone which cannot be installed for an unacceptably long time –

Outcome A: I order and fail obtain a line from NTL – so return to BT to beg for some service within a reasonable time.

Outcome B : I fail and wait nearly a month for a phone line. I remain a reluctantly loyal customer of BT until 2007 when I go to Ibiza to live.

Result: Satisfied'ish

• 2008 – It's September and after a spell suffering the complexities of Spanish Telefonica, similar to those with BT but in Spanish,  I return to the UK and move into rented accommodation order a phone line, BT Vision and BT Broadband.

Outcome A: A commitment to install on a requested date is confirmed by BT Sales and then cancelled without notification by BT. - So I try to reorder.

Outcome B: I request a new date and am advised that a service cannot be provided in an acceptable time to me. The date is nowhere near the date I originally requested so I am forced to cancel the order and go to Virgin Media (Yes, good old NTL as was) and lo and behold they were able to provide all the services I needed within 3 days and even turned up on at the appointed time with a courtesy telephone call in advance!

Result: Happiness.. so far.

• 2008 – It's now six months later, I need to order a new line from BT for a newly built house and am pleased to hear that I am able to place the order (early in January for a March installation. No, I can't! It seems that the BT computer diary booking system can't look forward more than a month at a time.  Sorry Sir Michael this must be really boring for you now but please bear with me. It is only when I visit the new house that I find mail from BT addressed to me at an address I am not going to occupy until March 6^th (it's still only February 5^th as I write this). Then to add insult to injury I receive a bill for the installation plus news that the line was activated on the 27^th January, the very date that BT Sales told me not to worry about as a note was on the file for a March activation! Very boring this isn't it? Well, it's back to BT again and finally the problem is resolved, or is it? I have been told that the line is active and all I have to do is make sure that the hugely overestimated monthly budget payment will have been removed from my account at the end of April !!

Outcome: I think I have a line but I also know I have no phone at the end of it so I have to wait and see what happens in March.

Result: Unknown!

So Sir Michael, where has it all gone wrong?

Computer technology is far more advanced than it was in 1995 let alone back in the days of typewriters, the Post Office and analogue telephone systems. Staff levels are higher than I can guess at and sales presumably very lively. Yet the call centre in India has never been able to resolve my problems, the Sales agents in the UK have never been able to explain why they“miss informed ” me in the first place.

Plain and simple, it's a mess isn't it?

Well, thank you for reading my diatribe (I am sure you did read it) and please accept my

apologies for writing to you in such a public fashion perhaps when you are having your coffee

and your secretary has spotted and pointed out this odd "open letter" sitting on her PC screen as part of my Blog you may feel some sympathy for me or indeed able to reward me for my diligence in bringing this "Quality of Service" issue to your attention, busy as you no doubt are.

Yours frustratedly

Richard Bond